Well, yesterday was our 15 week appointment for the baby. As we were waiting for the doctor, I told Matthew that these baby appointments used to be so exciting for me to go to, but now having experienced the loss of our two babies, I dread these appointments. I dread hearing any bad news about our baby. So that has definitely been my struggle through this pregnancy is completely trusting the Lord with our baby and entering into that full joy that I know I should be having. So now you know my heart and doubts:) I am not proud of it at all, but only ashamed as I know the Lord wants me to completely trust Him with my whole heart. I know not fully trusting Him, I am missing out on His blessings. I think it's going to be a life lesson for me as it has been in my life, but I don't want it to be. I want to learn my lesson and live the rest of my life resting in Him. So, thats what I'm trying to do:) It's not a day to day surrender, it's more like a moment by moment throughout the day surrender to the Lord!
All that to say, we got to hear our little baby's strong heartbeat yesterday. Yay!! Thank you Jesus!! The scripture I read yesterday that I felt like the Lord gave me for that day was...
"I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart;
I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
I will be glad and rejoice in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
As I was giving my heart and struggles to Him yesterday morning before our appointment, the Lord spoke to me in that it's easy to praise Him and tell of all His marvelous works when we hear good news and everything is going good, but if I were to hear bad news again today, will I still praise Him with my whole heart and rejoice in Him? No matter what happens, as I have learned in the past year and a half of my life, it all comes down to this...God loves me, God is good and He is so worthy of our praise no matter what! He does have a perfect plan for each one of us and for my baby and I need to rest in that. So praise the Lord we did hear good news yesterday and I am praising Him with my whole heart, telling you of His marvelous works and being glad and rejoicing in Him! Thank you again for all who are keeping us in your prayers!
